By: Barbara Bowes
Date: July 3, 2010
The Winnipeg Free Press

When you think about it, there are a lot of very different elements that make up the workplace personality -- so much so that it's a wonder we can stay sane.

For instance, every workplace has a mixture of different professions and a wide range of ages and maturity, skills, education and experience. Also, employees come from different cultures, backgrounds and beliefs and have differing personalities.

As well, each individual comes with a range of personal needs because of career motivators or personal issues such as being single, married, divorced, widowed and/or simply struggling with children and the various work shifts that are found in families today. Then again, we all come to work with an attitude; some of us view the world as a glass half empty and are constantly complaining. This is juxtaposed against those who view life as a glass half full and who are typically happy as they reach out to seize opportunities.

But when the issue of jealousy among employees raises its ugly head, it is particularly difficult to deal with. Jealousy is created by our own minds and creates negative thoughts toward another individual, especially someone who is perceived to have gained some success and/or an advantage over you. Jealousy produces a wide range of emotions including anger, envy, fear, grief and even humiliation.

Jealousy creates thoughts of injustice, resentment, bitterness, blame and even self-pity. It is so powerful that it can cause sweating or feelings of faintness as well as aggressive actions such as constant questioning or on the extreme, even violence toward others.

Jealousy typically stems from some form of fear: fear of abandonment, fear that you may no longer have a close collegial relationship, fear of an incoming person or fear that your new leader may treat you with disrespect. No matter what, jealousy creates a wide range of negative feelings; in fact, it can consume people and drive them into survival mode.

Jealousy is also caused by low self-esteem, which causes a broad sense of personal dissatisfaction both at home and at work. As well, unfortunately, these negatively oriented individuals want their colleagues to wallow in the same self-pity as they do. They can't stand seeing others experience the good of life around them. As you can imagine, jealousy is unhealthy and is so powerful it can completely ruin previously healthy work as well as personal relationships.

To be honest, in my experience, not many people take time to even think about their feelings of jealousy or how this affects their work relationships. They blame others and continue to fuel their personal flames of anger and resentment. Still others accept their feelings of jealousy, but don't deal with them. Instead, they wallow in negativity and burrow their hole deeper and deeper.

It has often been said that we are what we think. And if this is the case, then we should be able to take deliberate steps to change our negative thinking. First of all, try to identify and label your feelings. Next, examine what exactly is causing those feelings. Do you feel a strong and unnatural sense of competition with someone? Are you feeling fear? What role is a lack of self-esteem playing in your life? Write down your ideas and think carefully about them.

Next, identify the triggers or hot buttons that set off the negative feelings. Then look behind these triggers to identify the real fears and the issues behind them. Look for patterns in your thoughts and behaviours as this gives you a good clue and will lay a path for overcoming your jealousies.

Finally, you need to take steps to change your feelings. One powerful tactic is called the "self-talk" solution. Ask yourself if what you are saying to yourself is true. Then substitute your negative comments with more positive, objective and encouraging thoughts. Get into the habit of using affirmations to change your beliefs. For instance, create a daily mantra such as, "I am good at my work" and continue saying it until you believe it. On the other hand, if you find you can't deal with your feelings, consider it time to get professional help.

However, management cannot leave the issue of resolving jealousy between employees to individuals. Instead, I believe managers must intervene and take charge to overcome this conflict before it festers and affects everyone in the workplace. Meet each employee to discuss the issue and help them find the cause of the discomfort. Use a step by step problem-solving approach to help the individual understand his or her areas of challenge and to brainstorm some creative solutions. Hold a discussion with both individuals if that is appropriate and finally, if need be, arrange for personal coaching for the individual.

But the best way to avoid jealousy in the first place is to make sure you keep teamwork in mind. This means being fair when assigning work tasks, treating employees equally and avoiding favouritism at all costs. Hold meetings that are inclusive and that reduce competition among your employees. Invite everyone's opinion and demonstrate respect for all employees all of the time.

One of the most common areas where employee jealousy occurs is where an internal recruitment has taken place resulting in the promotion of one candidate over another. To overcome any conflict, the manager must be certain to create a completely transparent process that has perceived credibility within the workplace. This means posting the skill and competency requirements, interviewing all qualified candidates and providing feedback to all unsuccessful candidates.

Providing honest feedback to an unsuccessful internal candidate is one area where many managers fall short. In fact, in most cases, they are simply not honest with their employee. They skirt the reasons the individual was not successful. Or, they document training needs but never follow through with the resources required. The result is that each unsuccessful candidate feels a sense of injustice that can cause problems in work relationships.

A second area of jealousy and conflict can occur when reward and recognition programs are not effectively applied. Once again, it is important to have a standard set of selection criteria. As well, when employees are part of a reward selection team, it lends more weight and credibility to the entire process.

Jealousy in the workplace is one of the most hurtful and damaging interpersonal relationship issues among employees that a manager will have to deal with. It is also delicate because often the individual who is experiencing jealousy doesn't recognize it and/or is unable to deal with it.

As mentioned earlier, the best strategy is prevention, but if or when it occurs, take action to nip it in the bud.

Barbara J. Bowes is president of Legacy Bowes Group, Manitoba's leading talent management solutions firm. She is also an author of several books and radio host for CJOB 68. She can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .